in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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