Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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