My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
