just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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