lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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