Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I could make wine with my vomit
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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