The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish you could order shots online.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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