This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
