I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
