Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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