One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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