So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
