but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
