Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
