a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
