Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
