you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
