I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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