And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
