it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am puke
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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