I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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