He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
