While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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