2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize