So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize