her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just googled if crying burns calories
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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