Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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