Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
