Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
cat food counts as protein by the way
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
