Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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