and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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