My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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