I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
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Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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