Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
send nudes
from the living room?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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