So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
