i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
