Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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