everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i think im in europe. pls send help
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
