I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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