is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
