the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Randomize
