Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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