take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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