i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
