Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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