I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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