Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
