Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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