from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
