You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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