I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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