Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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