two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
