The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
