Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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