Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
