if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
