hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
