her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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