dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
