So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
